Why People Leave Church...and what to do about it

Why People Leave Church…and what to do about it

What is church? Contrary to popular belief, the church is not those with whom you sit next to on Sunday morning. Church is the total body of believers all around the world. Red, yellow, black and white…United States, Africa, Europe, Middle East. Wherever there are believers in Jesus, they are your brothers and sisters in Christ…like it or not. When you really think about that, it should put into perspective what goes on at your church. Why are there so many denominations? Why do people jump from one church to another? Why do people not want to attend church? I believe it really comes down to three basic areas discussed below. This is not only about people leaving churches; it is also about why people decide to not attend at all.

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.” John 17:20-21

Personality Conflicts – This is the devil’s favorite one. If satan can cause division in the church body, he will…and he wins! There will always be personality conflicts wherever you go or wherever you are, it is just simply unavoidable. Remember, churches and its people are not perfect…that is why they are in church! The reason a church is considered a family is because there are all different types of people that make up the church…social classes, personality types, age levels, etc… Church is about being involved in the life of the body, not only getting along with everyone. When you are serving alongside someone, it is more difficult to have conflicts. It is simply not reasonable to think that in a church of even 75 people that you will be able to be pals with everyone in attendance.

What to do about it…

ü Ask honestly…am I part of the problem? Does my attitude toward others affect how they treat me?

ü Find the ones you do have things in common with and blend with them…not as a clique, but rather as a small group that you can serve, share, and encourage with.

ü Do your best to understand and love those you have conflicts with, realizing that with those personality types they can reach people you cannot, just like with your personality you can reach people they cannot.

Biblical Conflicts – This is, unfortunately, a less common reason that people leave the church. It seems that people want the church with the latest worship style, shortest sermon, most active youth and children’s ministry, cleanest nursery, or one that makes them feel good, without taking into consideration whether or not a particular church is in line with what they personally believe about such things like salvation, eternity, communion, authority of scripture, sin, etc… While all those above listed things are important, the decision of where to attend church should be based almost exclusively on where that congregation stands scripturally.

What to do about it…

ü Search Gods word and discover what you believe

ü Ask your church about its beliefs

ü Decide what beliefs you have are “non-negotiable” for you, and which ones you could live with without compromising scripture.

Past vs. Future – The “young people” want contemporary worship while the “older people” want hymns. The “young people” want a multi-purpose building for fun activities and get-togethers while the “older people” think those things are unnecessary and too costly. The battle lines are formed because neither side has the desire to compromise or see the other person’s point of view. In no other area of business or worldly work place is the generational gap wider than in the church…how sad! Two things need to be realized before I go any further. 1) Young people need to realize that the older generation has put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into the physical church, and that needs to be respected and elevated. While this current generation desires growth and outreach, the previous generation desired the same thing…just in a different way. 2) Older people need to realize that what led them to Christ is not necessarily what is going to lead this generation to Christ.

What to do about it…

ü Pray for each other

ü Realize that both generations have ideas to bring people to know Jesus, there has to be give and take

ü Create times during the year where generations mix and learn from each other.

ü Pray for each other

So what if you are thinking about leaving your church, or if you have already left?

1. Have you spent time before God praying…and listening to the Holy Spirit?

2. If you had disagreements…did you follow Matthew chapter 18 and discuss the situation in love?

3. Have you prayed?

4. Ask yourself…

Ø Was I oversensitive about an issue?

Ø Did I get involved and try to be a part of the solution to the problem?

Ø Is leaving and going somewhere else to church really going to solve my issues?

Ø What will I do when I find issues at the next church?

5. Have you prayed?

“All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.” Acts 4:32

What if you don’t attend church…why should you?

1. It’s scriptural – Hebrews 10:25…”Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

2. For community – You were not meant to go through life alone. Everyone needs people around them for encouragement and support during the good and bad times of life.

3. It is scriptural

Picking the right church

1. Pick one that falls in line with your personal beliefs and convictions about scripture

2. Pick one that you can get involved with…we are not commanded to simply attend, but to serve and minister

3. Pick one that your whole family agrees with…families must worship and serve together as a unit

Legacy

Last Sunday during Sunday School we had a discussion about legacy. What do you want remembered for? When your life is over, what will you be known for? Interesting question. I'm not totally sure about me...but I want to share here in this blog about someone who I know and hope people say the same thing about me.

On April 6, 2004 my grandfather, Howard T. Johnson passed away (It was also my youngest daughter's 3rd birthday...come to think of it, my other grandfather passed away on my oldest daughter's birthday! weird, but I digress). He was my hero. I can remember every time I needed advice, a listening ear, or a word of encouragement...my grandma & grandpa Johnson were there to do whatever was needed and at the perfect time. I have not looked up to an earthly person more than this man...he was a man's man. Here are a few of the characteristics that made this man so special and great...

1) Love for God. I remember when I first told my grandpa about my desire to enter into the ministry. He was so proud of me...and told me! He also shared about being Sunday School superintendent at his church in Arizona (I believe that is right) and his own struggles about wanting to possibly enter into preaching ministry. I know that every time I went to their house grandma & grandpa always had their bible beside the places they always sat in the living room...I remember loving hearing him pray at meal times. His God was valuable and important to him. I will always cherish our long conversations about what heaven will be like in the months before he passed away...I hope it is everything he imagined it to be and more!!

2) Love for family. Family always came first with grandpa. He loved his wife the same at the end of his life as at the beginning. He loved and was so proud of his kids and their accomplishments. He was the best grandpa anyone could ever ask for...loyal, loving, relational, dedicated. His love and commitment to the family unit is what set him apart in my mind to be so great...one that I try and copy, some days better than others.

3) Love for hard work. Grandpa was a hard worker. He worked tirelessly all his life to make life for his family a good one. He was a dairy farmer for years before also being a mechanic. Grandpa always had to be doing something!

I miss him. It has been 6 years, but it seems like 6 days. I miss his infectious belly laugh...his smile and sense of humor. I remember the first time I took Darla to meet my grandparents (any girl I went with had to pass the grandma & grandpa Johnson test!) I told her "just so you know, you're going to give grandma & grandpa a hug bye, and you will do it on your own". Darla was not raised around an affectionate home atmosphere, so she was even surprised when we got ready to leave she, on her own, walked over to grandma & grandpa and gave them a hug bye. They were just that kind of people. I only hope and pray that I am half the man that my grandpa was...I will never forget at 12:15am on April 6, 2004 telling him I loved him, he told me he loved me, and he was gone 4 hours later. I want that legacy in my life...I want to be just like my grandpa Johnson.

Cancer

It seems here lately that a lot of people I know are dying from cancer. Lung cancer, brain cancer, breast cancer. The cancer battle knows no age. I have seen the very young, and the very old battle and fight this horrible illness we call cancer. I am sure that every person has had someone very close to them lose their battle with cancer. There is another type of cancer that, if gone untreated, is fatal...spiritually fatal.

Sin. This is the worst kind of cancer, because it affects the two most important parts of the body...the heart and the mind. Sin is simply disobedience to God's standards. Our sin begins in the heart. When our hearts are not right with God, satan has the full opportunity to begin to erode ourselves of what is true and godly. When the devil has our heart, he moves to the mind. If satan can get us thinking about other things than God and our relationship with Him, he has us. When satan has our heart and mind...we are slaves. That's right, John 8:34 says "Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin'." Jesus said this in response to the Jews who asked how they can be set free since they have not been slaves to anyone. Slave to sin...how do we get freedom?

Romans 3:23 -- "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Acknowledge that you have sin in your life, that without God's help, you cannot control.

Romans 6:23 -- "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Realize that you deserve to be separated from God because of your sin, and accept that it is only through Jesus and his sacrifice that you have life.

Acts 2:38 -- "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." Commit to change. Decide that you are going to live more for Christ and less for yourself. Be baptized...being immersed into Christ to signify the beginning of a new life. Receive the Holy Spirit after you are baptized so you can have God's Spirit with you so you can make good choices in the future.

Matthew 28:19-20 -- "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Our responsibility is to help others not to lose their battle spiritually of this cancer of sin. We mentor, evangelize, and teach others both verbally and by our actions who our Savior is.

Sin is a giant cancer. It affects the heart and the mind. The solution...to turn to Christ for your salvation so HE can take control of your heart and mind so you can be cancer free! Will you still sin...yes. Will you sin as much...depends on how much of your heart and mind you give the great cancer physician!

Matt

Parenting

I just watched a news story about tracking your teenager. They were talking about using tracking devices that watch every move your child makes. There was even one family who spent money to put 5 (yep, that's five!) camera's in the car they drive so they always know what is going on! What? Are you kidding me?

Will our kids make wrong choices? Yes. Will they sin? Yes. Are we doing enough as parents to help them before they become teens to have the tools they need to make those positive choices? Parenting your teen begins when they are born. We set boundaries, we build trust, and we realize that there are times we must be the parent, and there are times we can be their friend. I have seen too many instances where teens and preteens are left to roam and do activities that they are not prepared to do. Dating at 16? What if they are not mature enough? So, what is the right age? The right age is however old they are to handle the responsibility. Driving with friends...same deal, when they are old enough to handle the responsibility. I am not a parenting expert by any means...my oldest is only 12, but I have been in youth ministry for over 15 years and I feel that helps me make choices in how I raise my kids...along with how I was raised.

So what is the secret to a good relationship with your teen and feel good about letting them go on their own and make their own choices? It all comes down to TRUST...mutual trust.

T -- Time. They may not acknowledge it...but kids want you to ask about their day. If you don't have time to talk to your son/daughter about their day...you need to cut some things to make time. This is a habit that must start young and always continue...you will always have a job, hobbies, etc...but you only have 18 years to mold and shape the person God gave you to specifically raise up to be great!

R -- Relationship with God. What are you doing to bring your son/daughter closer to Christ? Your teen needs to see you in church. Your teen needs to see you model the church the rest of the week even more!

U -- Unconditional Love. Your kids need to realize both verbally and non-verbally that they are loved, cherished, and valued. Especially from dads. If your kids don't hear this from both mom and dad often...they will hear it from someone else, and you probably won't like the results!

S -- Safety. Your kids also need to know that they are safe with you. They need to know you will protect them. They also need to know that you will be a safe person to communicate with. Open communication with your teen begins when they are young...but it's never too late to start.

Touch -- Teens need to have parents (yes, dads...even you!) that will hug them, give them a kiss, and verbally tell them that they are loved. Positive touch is valuable in building a lasting and trusting relationship with your kids.

Again, I'm not a parenting expert. I fail a lot. I also know that I love and value the relationship I have with my girls. We don't need tracking devices and video camera's to know where our kids are...we need parents being parents setting rules and boundaries with their kids. Trust...there is no other way!

Matt

Success

It has been awhile since I last posted a blog. I hate when I go long stretches with seemingly not much to write about. Today I want to contribute my part to a topic that has been discussed, analyzed to death, and debated for a long time...what makes ministry successful? How do we know if our ministry is successful or not?

There was a phase a while back that said that if you had students leaving High School and going to Bible College, you were successful. There are also those that claim success based on numbers. I want to list off 4 areas that I believe must be done well if our ministries are to be successful.

1. Relationships -- In our world of technology this is both a blessing and a curse. We facebook, myspace, twitter, blog, text, email...and all this is fine (and somewhat necessary) in communicating and developing relationships with kids. But the greatest way to build relationships is still the old-fashioned face-to-face encounter. It's easy to sit behind a desk or sit at home and text a kid to let them know you care...but what if you verbalized it over ice-cream, or after a game of lazer tag, or after his/her sporting event? Relationships are vital in building a successful ministry.

2. Discipleship -- Relationships are important. Discipleship is equally important. So many of our relationships are "surface level". Discipleship takes our relationships to the next level. When we disciple a kid we are helping them discover their gifts and talents and challenging them to use those gifts to further the kingdom of God. Investing time in the life of kids encouraging him/her to do great things is important if our ministries are going to be successful.

3. Service -- Doing things for others is the heart of what Jesus was all about...so it should be at the heart of our ministries as well. Getting kids out of their comfort zones to be the hands and feet of Jesus not only teaches them to help people, it helps them understand their purpose.

4. Team Ministry -- Having a committed volunteer team of adults that help develop relationships and disciple young people is also at the core of a successful ministry. Successful youth ministry will not happen through "lone ranger" youth ministers...their must be a team of committed adults that help take ministry to another level.

This is only my opinion of what success means to me in youth ministry. I believe that if these 4 principles are followed that we will see young people go through our children's and youth ministries growing into adults that become an active and growing part of the local and global church.

I would love to hear your feedback and comments...

Matt

Christmas Memories

Growing up I just loved Christmas time! We would go to my grandma & grandpa McKibben's (moms parents) on Christmas eve and be together and unwrap presents and eat a lot. Christmas morning was always at home...I loved that! We would get up really early and wake up mom and dad and have a great time as a family. One of the earliest and best Christmas's was at our house in the country in Albion when my brother and I both got tractors you got in and drove around! We had a yellow one and a red one (I can't remember now which one was which...because we fought over who got what! lol). We drove those things around in the basement a lot! Later on Christmas day we would go to my grandma & grandpa Johnson's (my dads parents) in Fairfield. I love going there because of 1 thing...grandma Johnson's white cake! She made the best!! In fact, I would start at the dessert table after prayer just so I can make sure I got plenty of it!

Now Christmas is a little different. Both of my grandpa's are gone, and my father-in-law is no longer with us. So Christmas is a reminder of get-together's with less special people. I truly miss my grandpa Johnson each year at this time. For some reason, I miss him a little more this year than in years past...maybe because I see my grandma struggle health wise all alone in the nursing home. My grandpa was a great man...one that loved his family, his wife and kids, his children and grandchildren, and His God with all he had!

I also love passing down to the girls the love and passion that God has for us when He sent Jesus to the manger on the way to the cross. We don't put much emphasis on gifts on Christmas day...we really don't even talk about it much. We want to make sure that the focus and emphasis is on Jesus and what all he left (heaven) to be able to give us hope, peace, and joy.

I love Christmas. I love Easter. I love both because it took both events to give me and my family and friends the greatest gift ever...salvation for anyone who accepts, believes, and obeys.

Thank you Jesus!

Merry Christmas, everyone!!

Matt

Hard Look Back

For me, 2009 has been one of the best year's in a long time. As I begin this blog it may not seem like it, but I wouldn't trade the experiences of 2009 for anything.

I was involved in a youth ministry here in Olney for over 3 1/2 years and it was going well. We had around 25-30 Jr. High & High School students on Wednesday nights, around 15 on Sunday nights (the entire church only had around 20 Jr. High & High School students total!). Our youth were growing spiritually and there was a team of adults that were joining in giving their energy to the youth there.

Then, on August 1st everything came crashing down. I never in a million years ever dreamed that I would be fired, not because I thought that I was above that, but because I have always had this thought that church workplace was different. Pastors only get fired because of immorality and really bad stuff...not because of personality conflicts or other "petty" things. I was wrong.

I did make some mistakes, however, as I was in charge of a youth financial account that I did not keep any receipts for and the bookkeeping was not done properly. Did I deserve to be let go? No. Was that church and myself a good fit? Definitely not.

I spent the next week after being let go being dean of 2nd Jr. High church camp. I can honestly say that I do not remember much of anything about that week. I spent the next couple of weeks in hiding. Not out of guilt...I did nothing wrong, but out of shame. It's humiliating enough to be let go from your job, especially when you are supposed to be the financial caretaker of your home. We decided to try out Mt. Gilead church the next Sunday...we went to church and left, which is exactly what I wanted to do. I barely even wanted to go to church, in fact, I really only went because I didn't want to let the girls know how much emotional pain I was in. I spent the next couple weeks basically sitting in my house doing nothing.

I finally started sending out job applications from Evansville IN to Fairview Heights IL. I sent an estimated 30-40 applications...not for ministry, but for anything. I was done with ministry. Not one phone call. Nothing. The day after Labor Day I finally decided to do something that I should have been doing all along...for the first time since August 1 I opened my Bible and began to pray again. A couple days later I got a phone call from 2 different churches to be their youth minister. I reluctantly decided to pursue the idea. A week later I was approached by Mt. Gilead Church, where we were still attending, about coming on staff. We prayed about it and let God open and close doors until it was very clear that Mt. Gilead was where we were meant to be.

I began serving on staff at Mt. Gilead on October 4th. My salary is a little less than $500 a week less than what I was making, Darla is working the same 3-4 days at the hospital she has done since June. Through all this time it looks amazingly like we are going to finish the year (man, I have tears as I write this!) with Christmas bought and all our bills current for the first time in our marriage!

"Do not let your hearts be troubled, Trust in God; trust also in me." John 14:1

I love Mt. Gilead. I truly (along with God, of course) credit this place with saving my life, spiritually speaking. Without the love, grace, fellowship, and unity in this body of believers I don't want to think about where I would be in my walk with God. Trust in God...HE will never let you down!

Love, Matt