May 19, 2010

Why People Leave Church...and what to do about it

Why People Leave Church…and what to do about it

What is church? Contrary to popular belief, the church is not those with whom you sit next to on Sunday morning. Church is the total body of believers all around the world. Red, yellow, black and white…United States, Africa, Europe, Middle East. Wherever there are believers in Jesus, they are your brothers and sisters in Christ…like it or not. When you really think about that, it should put into perspective what goes on at your church. Why are there so many denominations? Why do people jump from one church to another? Why do people not want to attend church? I believe it really comes down to three basic areas discussed below. This is not only about people leaving churches; it is also about why people decide to not attend at all.

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.” John 17:20-21

Personality Conflicts – This is the devil’s favorite one. If satan can cause division in the church body, he will…and he wins! There will always be personality conflicts wherever you go or wherever you are, it is just simply unavoidable. Remember, churches and its people are not perfect…that is why they are in church! The reason a church is considered a family is because there are all different types of people that make up the church…social classes, personality types, age levels, etc… Church is about being involved in the life of the body, not only getting along with everyone. When you are serving alongside someone, it is more difficult to have conflicts. It is simply not reasonable to think that in a church of even 75 people that you will be able to be pals with everyone in attendance.

What to do about it…

ü Ask honestly…am I part of the problem? Does my attitude toward others affect how they treat me?

ü Find the ones you do have things in common with and blend with them…not as a clique, but rather as a small group that you can serve, share, and encourage with.

ü Do your best to understand and love those you have conflicts with, realizing that with those personality types they can reach people you cannot, just like with your personality you can reach people they cannot.

Biblical Conflicts – This is, unfortunately, a less common reason that people leave the church. It seems that people want the church with the latest worship style, shortest sermon, most active youth and children’s ministry, cleanest nursery, or one that makes them feel good, without taking into consideration whether or not a particular church is in line with what they personally believe about such things like salvation, eternity, communion, authority of scripture, sin, etc… While all those above listed things are important, the decision of where to attend church should be based almost exclusively on where that congregation stands scripturally.

What to do about it…

ü Search Gods word and discover what you believe

ü Ask your church about its beliefs

ü Decide what beliefs you have are “non-negotiable” for you, and which ones you could live with without compromising scripture.

Past vs. Future – The “young people” want contemporary worship while the “older people” want hymns. The “young people” want a multi-purpose building for fun activities and get-togethers while the “older people” think those things are unnecessary and too costly. The battle lines are formed because neither side has the desire to compromise or see the other person’s point of view. In no other area of business or worldly work place is the generational gap wider than in the church…how sad! Two things need to be realized before I go any further. 1) Young people need to realize that the older generation has put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into the physical church, and that needs to be respected and elevated. While this current generation desires growth and outreach, the previous generation desired the same thing…just in a different way. 2) Older people need to realize that what led them to Christ is not necessarily what is going to lead this generation to Christ.

What to do about it…

ü Pray for each other

ü Realize that both generations have ideas to bring people to know Jesus, there has to be give and take

ü Create times during the year where generations mix and learn from each other.

ü Pray for each other

So what if you are thinking about leaving your church, or if you have already left?

1. Have you spent time before God praying…and listening to the Holy Spirit?

2. If you had disagreements…did you follow Matthew chapter 18 and discuss the situation in love?

3. Have you prayed?

4. Ask yourself…

Ø Was I oversensitive about an issue?

Ø Did I get involved and try to be a part of the solution to the problem?

Ø Is leaving and going somewhere else to church really going to solve my issues?

Ø What will I do when I find issues at the next church?

5. Have you prayed?

“All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.” Acts 4:32

What if you don’t attend church…why should you?

1. It’s scriptural – Hebrews 10:25…”Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

2. For community – You were not meant to go through life alone. Everyone needs people around them for encouragement and support during the good and bad times of life.

3. It is scriptural


Picking the right church

1. Pick one that falls in line with your personal beliefs and convictions about scripture

2. Pick one that you can get involved with…we are not commanded to simply attend, but to serve and minister

3. Pick one that your whole family agrees with…families must worship and serve together as a unit